fear can suck it

I gave fear a shove out the door this year. Let me explain. Do you remember how I said I was going to announce something big? Well, it made me squirm a little in my chair to tell you that back in December.

Well, EIGHT long months later I am ready to shout it from the roof top. I can do that, I have a flat roof, so I won't fall off.

I took a huge step outside of my tiny little box....

I am taking swimming lessons. That's right. I am thirty two years old and putting my face in the water made me freak out. I hyperventilated at the movie Titanic. Sailing on the ocean, no thank you. Flying over the ocean, give me the isle seat.

That was then! Today I swam a whole lap without freaking out. I think my young teacher wanted to hug me but he refrained. I was so happy! I stared fear in the face and have overcome.

In fact, I have found that this swimming laps business is quickly creeping up my favorite activities ladder.

I have let fear hold me back from experiencing some really wonderful things. I say swimming is the first of many things I will no longer be afraid to do.

Besides, who new I would look hot in goggles?

Something big...

I want to do something big in 2010! I have a running list in my head but not certain what it will be. I have this husband that gets after me for not setting goals, so I want to prove him wrong! Seems like a silly reason to do something but if proving him wrong is my motivation, then so be it.

I live my life today. I always have. It drives my goal oriented husband absolutely bonkers! He has a five year plan always in mind, and I still wonder what I will make for dinner tomorrow. We are very different in that aspect. But I envy and respect him for it. But this year I am going to set a goal and actually, for once in my life, accomplish it! It may not be a decision on where and what I want to be doing in twenty years but this is my baby step of getting closer to that place.

I will let you know what I have chosen as my lofty goal on January 1, 2010! So on that day, please don't laugh or scoff at my attempt to be a more goal oriented woman. Just give me kudos and a wish of good luck to motivate me to swallow fear and the overwhelming urge to quit!!!

Wish me luck!

Puppy

(This is Puppy)

Thank you, Puppy, for serving our family so faithfully these past six years. I love that you have been Declan's best friend and co conspirator for so many seasons. Thank you for enduring to the end for this boy...

(This is Declan)

...all the times you have been puked on, slobbered on, bit, thrown in anger, and lost and or forgotten! How many times have I traveled miles and miles to retrieve you? Thank you for being understanding and a constant companion through all of Declan's woes. Anyway, I promise to mend you and wash you and keep you forever as long as you make my son happy! Keep up the good work!!!

A little absent

I didn't realize that it has been so long since my last post. My excuse? Life exploded and has kept me ever so busy! An understatement. In February I began work a little bit more full time than I have in a lot of years. Our son is now a full day student and what else was I going to do with all my time? Stay home and clean, I think not. Why not get paid a few extra bucks, right. I do wish I had more time in the day but what are ya gonna do?

So....I think I will recap the last months of life. Albeit from my lousy memory but I'll do my best, here goes....

February was a sleepy haze. I was rudely awakened at a new time each day in order to get myself ready for work. Plus side to all this is the cute guy at the office that I call way too often with computer questions. Sometimes I even walk past his desk to get a whistle or a smack on the rear. Luckily he's my husband and the lawsuits are on the back burner (for now). He can harass me any time! And we get to "eat" lunch together every now and then.

March was a little smoother now that I am use to the new schedule. I turned "30" and celebrated our 10 yr anniversary! I had a very fun party with all the peeps I love the most. Minus a few key people that live out of state. I can see the plus side to planning your own shindig. A lesson well learned from Brian. I also received a fabulous belated gift from my sister (see April for details). A highly regarded tradition between the two of us. The later it comes the more we love you!

April I was able to fly to Salt Lake for my nephews baptism and took along my birthday gift. The book Twilight was not on my immediate list of must reads but with my sisters persistence I began the book reluctantly. Guess what...this highly observant girl has no recollection of who sat next to me on the plane to or from Salt Lake. My family heard a lot of "Just let me finish this page" and "In a sec". Needless to say, I stole the rest of the series from my sister and proceeded to let everyone else borrow so I wasn't the only absent wife for a week.
I also was called to be the Primary President in our ward and also proceeded to feel sick at the thought. Glad I gave in, I really love the kids of our ward and the people I serve with. I am also learning a great deal about myself and others. Heavenly Father sure is teaching me how to love those who do not belong to me!

May is voting time in the world of school politics and I am this years VP of PTA and I am so happy not to be the treasurer. The grays have slowed growth in my brown hair.
Chloe turned eight and had a fun birthday at Build a Bear. First party that was not concocted by me but she had fun and I suppose that is what really matters. I say it with sarcasm because it makes me sad to be upped by a franchise. Chloe was also baptized and some of the fam was able to come all the way to Arizona for it. So we had a big party after to celebrate her grand choice to be baptized. I was kind of worried about Brian's philosophy of letting her make the choice for herself but she made a very informed decision and I couldn't be prouder of the reasoning she made. Kids these days are so much stronger than we were.
School finished and a hectic summer began.

June...all I have to say is BEACH HOUSE! I think this was the best time I have had there. We couldn't get enough of the beach or the walks down the board walk. We met a few fun people and had more laughs together than ever. I'm telling you this year will be hard to beat. Brian's cousin Valerie was the new comer to our group and I am so glad she came. I just love her! All the girls took a fun walk to Balboa Island and I found a fun candy shop. I bought Shannon some candy cigarettes (cigs if you were there) and we smoked them in the alley. Just kidding, we did it right in front of the shop owners. Rebels! Some people are really bad influences on me. I really almost peed my pants in that moment though. But for some reason my niece Caitlin thought we were totally lame. I guess that's what happens when you get older. It was all fun until we got back and the little ones got in on the action. The candy "cigs" lost there appeal really fast. We also got to see a baby gray whale and lots of dolphins and seals. We took a three hour tour around the peninsula, okay it was only thirty minutes. Needless to say we had a blast!
Chloe decided that she wanted to try diving this summer. She joined the dive team at the local pool. Who new she was a natural! She got really excited to share her talent with Grandpa who is also a fabulous diver. Chloe was so excited to have something in common with him. She even started to place at the meets which made her want to work harder at practice. It was a lot of fun for Brian and I to watch her develop that talent and show us her new dives. I hope she continues with it next summer.
I also got to see my "boyfriend", Robert Smith, and all his pals of The Cure. We got some sweet box seats which I have discovered are only cool because they are "free" or they were for us. I would much rather be down on the floor with all the die hards dancing. This was one of the best concerts I have attended and they sang every song I thought I would never hear live. I was in heaven!

10 great years!!!!

Oi!! Can I just tell you how much I love city life. Maybe not city life but city excitement. Or maybe it's more like what I get a kick out of. The public transit system (not sure that's what it's called). Enough said!

Occasionally we ride it and that is fun in itself. The crazies that board that thing are usually in their own world. Some are perves and I watch the kids like a hawk. Some are crabby, just visiting, lost, dangerous, and just plain scary. But my favorite is the driver. Sometimes they even fall into the category listed above.

Today was a sight to remember. I really wish that I had had a camera with me. I think I would have clicked away. This driver was a super diva. I'm sure she knows all her regulars by stop and maybe even by name. She was a lovely black woman with hair that could have placed her in a music video and nails to match. And what did I spy her doing but bopping along to whatever song was in her head and TEXTING!!!! In heavy traffic no less. The maneuvering of that extra long bus and texting were simultaneous magic, I tell you.

I am thankful for our super tricked out minivan that keeps our bus riding only for field trips. "Tricked out" you say...yeah!! It comes fully equipped with popcorn, fruit loops, a rock collection, an art collection and it's even a water bottle recycle center. COOL.

Anyways...Peace out bus driver. I hope I get to see you again!

Praise to the Man

This wonderful man passed away last night. My first reaction was sadness; coming from the selfish part of me. Then turned to joy for his reunion with his sweet wife. I wish I could just see a glimpse of that wonderful rejoicing.

This man is the prophet I actually started to listen to. I was a teenager when he became our prophet. He prompted me and so many more to gain a true testimony of my own. I will always be in his debt. I have learned so much from this man.

He is the only prophet my children have known. Chloe was very sad to hear of his passing, but what a wonderful lesson to learn about eternal life. I hope that one day she will have her own prophet to urge her to find it for herself.

I love him and will miss him dearly.